It has been way too long since I have posted. Been on that rollercoaster called life and it
has been taking me for one bumpy ride. – Stepford Escapee
When I was youngster I had
dreams of what my life would be, just like most children. At 12 years old, I knew what career I wanted
already. I wanted to work in movies
creating monsters and fantasy characters.
I also had a backup plan which was going to college to become a criminal
prosecutor. I thought it was a good
plan.
My life, however, was
scripted due to the religious beliefs that I was raised in. To have a “career plan” other than knocking
on doors spreading the “good news” was considered worldly thinking and
downright selfish. So at 17 years of age
when the opportunity presented itself to be trained and work in Hollywood
So, to be the good little
“True Christian”, I worked the entry level, low paying jobs, and even spent a
few years spreading the good news fulltime.
I worked hard and a lot of hours at both and at 47 I have nothing to
show for it except some debt (which I have paid off a considerable amount) and
living back in my childhood home with my father because I am too poor to get a
place on my own. But all of this was
okay because “Jehovah” was going to take care of me and bless me in the “New
System” and I would no longer have to struggle.
That utopia point-of-view
sounded wonderful. The only problem is
that I no longer believed the things I was taught as a child. I began to seriously doubt even the existence
of a heavenly deity that would take care of all mankind’s woes. But I was willing to believe that the shortcoming
was with me, and some how my brain just did not get it. Then I can to the realization that this
organization that I had dedicated my life to, gave up a career for, and dumped
good friends for was a sham. It was like
stepping into quicksand. If felt as if I
were being sucked into an abyss with no hope of rescue.
I did eventually start to
recover from my earth-shattering revelation.
I even started making plans to move on with my life with the help of new
found friends. I was going to start over
in a sense; tabula rasa as they say in philosophy circles. I should have used hindsight and learned from
my life’s previous examples that when I attempt to find some joy or happiness
in this existence, I set free my own personal doom.
That clean slate; that new
lease on life that I was working towards came to an abrupt halt that sent me
spinning into an emotional breakdown that I am still ashamed of. Everyone encourages me to look on the bright
side, to keep my chin up. My chin is
just a little sore from all the right hooks that life has landed on it.
At this juncture, I find
myself skittish about trying to find any joy.
Seems that life is trying for a TKO and right now I feel about ready to
throw the fight.
Stepford Escapee
